Tips for encouraging your baby to feed
Having a baby who doesn't want to feed is very upsetting. However, be reassured, there are some things you can do.
When your baby is fussy or refusing to feed, most people will feel stressed. Start by trying to do something to calm yourself such as taking deep breaths or consciously relaxing your body. This can also help calm your baby and help your milk to flow.
Breast refusal is common and there are many reasons why a baby may not want to feed. The cause can depend on your baby's stage of development or health. You may like to view these first, or read on for tips to try, no matter what the cause.
Help your baby get the milk
Some babies don’t feed if the milk isn’t flowing well. Baby starts feeding at the breast expecting to get milk and nothing happens. Or it happens more slowly than the baby is used to.
Once your baby is feeding, try using breast compressions to help get more let-downs and your milk to flow faster.
If your baby has been used to the instant and fast flow from a bottle, they may not want to attach if your milk isn’t coming quickly. You may like to try paced bottled feeding any expressed milk (or formula) feeds or use a cup rather than a bottle.
Express some milk into your baby's open mouth to remind them what the breast is for.
Try a different time or place
- Look for times when your baby is more likely to feed, e.g. when they just wake up or when they are sleepy.
- Feed your baby as soon as they show hunger cues.
- Try breastfeeding baby after a bath when they are warm and relaxed (if your baby likes baths).
- Feeding your baby while you are both in the bath may help. Have someone available to help you lift your baby in and out safely.
- You could try playing with your baby on the floor while you are bare from the waist up. After some time gradually offer your breast.
Remove or avoid distractions
- Feed baby in a dark room or private space.
- Wear a baby-safe necklace to keep baby focused on you. Or give them a soft toy to hold.
- Take away your own distractions such as using your phone or watching TV.
- Make eye contact with your baby if that helps.
- Read more about distractible babies.
Help your baby relax
- Carry and rock your baby, maybe take them outside.
- Try singing to your baby, even if it’s the same few lines over and over.
- Play some relaxing background music.
- Your partner or support person may be able to calm your baby away from your breasts.
Try a different feeding position
- Walk around with your baby in an upright position against your body with their head level with your nipple. Walk and feed at the same time. Try putting your baby in a baby sling. Undo your bra so that baby’s face is touching the skin of your breast and they can find your nipple. You may need to wear the sling lower than normal for this purpose.
- Try a completely different feeding position: your baby tucked under your arm (twin style); or lying down on a bed next to each other with no body contact. This is especially good if it's very hot or your baby is sensing your tension. You could also lie down with your baby cuddled in close next to you.
Try to stay calm
When your baby is fussy or refusing to feed, try to remain calm and patient, handling your baby gently. If you are both on edge, try taking deep breaths similar to what you may have used during labour or when trying to be calm or meditate.
Deep breathing helps slow your own breathing and make it more regular which can help calm everyone. Concentrate on staying relaxed, use soothing music, rock your baby gently or carry them around. This relaxation will help your milk flow readily so your baby will get milk once they latch on.
If your baby is quite unsettled, cross or crying or if you are feeling angry and upset, you may find it helps to try again when you are both feeling calmer. In the meantime a cuddle or a game may distract your baby. A walk outside may relax you both. This is the time when your partner (or a friend or relative) may be able to step in and give you both a break.
Thankfully most breast refusal is temporary and it shouldn't be too long before your baby is again breastfeeding happily. Sometimes you may never find out why they refused.
© Australian Breastfeeding Association April 2022
Read more about breast refusal
