Amid the tragedy of losing a baby, a mum’s breasts may still make milk.
If you are reading this page because your breastfed baby has died, or your baby has died during pregnancy or at birth, we offer you our condolences. We hope this information helps you at this difficult time.
While coping with their grief, many women in this situation are surprised or even shocked to find that their breasts still make milk.
Although this information is mainly about lactation after a baby dies, there may be other situations where a mother is making milk without her baby, such as giving a baby up for adoption, being a surrogate mother, or in the case of a child being removed by child protection authorities.
Will my breasts still make milk?
A woman’s breasts start making colostrum during pregnancy, most often in the last trimester but sometimes earlier. Whether your breasts make milk and how much they make may depend on:
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The timing of your baby’s death. The closer to your baby's due date, the more likely you are to make milk. If you have been breastfeeding your baby or child, your breasts will continue to make milk.
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The effects of shock and how your body reacts to any medical treatment or surgery you may have, as well as the emotional shock of losing your baby.
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Any medicines you may be given such as anaesthetics, painkillers, sedatives or antidepressants.
If you were still pregnant, your breasts may just feel very full. If your baby has died during the birth, the first sign of your milk may be when you wakea few days later with very full breasts. Some mothers find this quite frightening. Full or overfull breasts may also occur if you had already been breastfeeding.
Whatever your breasts do, it is helpful if you, and those around you, understand how to manage these changes in your body.
Deciding what to do about your milk supply
Women can feel a variety of emotions when their breasts make milk. Because of this, there are different ways to deal with making milk following the loss of your baby. You may like to discuss these choices with your family, health care providers or social worker.
You may choose to:
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Stop your milk supply (lactation suppression)
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Continue to express
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Donate your breastmilk (where available)
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Make a memory using your breastmilk
Options you could consider
If your breasts are firmly supported and you don't express milk more than you need for comfort, your milk supply will gradually decrease. Most mothers are able to stop their milk by:
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wearing a firm bra
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taking out as little milk as possible from their breasts
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using cool packs to decrease inflammation
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taking medicine for pain and inflammation if needed.
If your breasts continue to make milk, or if you have been breastfeeding already, you may need to do more to suppress your milk supply.
You may have:
Leaking milk: You can use breast pads or stop the flow by pressing firmly on your nipple with your hand or forearm for several seconds.
Engorgement: You may need to express fully, just once, with a breast pump to relieve the pressure.
Sore breasts: You may need to decrease your supply more slowly if your breasts begin to feel very sore, red or lumpy. These can be signs of localised breast inflammation. There are things you can do to treat the inflammation and keep the milk moving until they feel more comfortable.
- Apply warmth to your breast for a few minutes before expressing to help the milk to flow.
- You can also stroke your breast gently while expressing to encourage your let-down.
- In between, use cool packs to reduce swelling and relieve pain.
- Look out for the signs of mastitis and seek medical help if needed.
You may decide that you don’t want to stop your milk after the loss of your baby. You may feel that continuing to express your milk may give you time to connect with and grieve for your baby. You may decide to express their milk for days, weeks or even months. You can express as often each day as you like for as long as it suits you.
If you decide to express, try to keep to a pattern of expressing each day. Expressing regularly can help reduce the risk of mastitis.
When you decide to wean from expressing, do so gradually. For example, drop one expressing session every few days or so. This can help your breasts adjust more comfortably.
If you have stores of your frozen milk at home or in the hospital, you may want to do something with them. Some families decide to keep their expressed milk as a memento or to donate it rather than just throw it away.
You may wonder if the breastmilk you express can be used to help another baby. Many mums have found donating their milk to be comforting. Being able to help other babies may help with your sadness.
This option may not be available to all mothers. There are only a few human milk banks in Australia. You also need to be screened by having blood tests before you can donate your milk. If you would like to know more about this, contact the milk bank in your state or territory. You could ask your doctor or the hospital staff if there is one in your state or territory which might accept your milk.
Some women decide to use their breastmilk in an activity or item to help create a memory. For example, you could:
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use your breastmilk as a symbol in the funeral service
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bury some milk with your baby
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pour it on a special plant in the garden
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use it to make breastmilk jewellery.
You don’t have to make these decisions quickly. You can keep your milk in a freezer until you are ready to do something with it.
The importance of support
The death of a baby is a devastating and life-changing experience no matter how it happens. If it is sudden, there is no time to prepare yourself for the worst and you may well be in shock. You are even more vulnerable if you lost your baby in an accident or medical emergency where you were also involved.
It is hard to cope with this alone. Your partner, family and friends are likely to be dealing with their own distress. They will want to help but may not know how.
If you feel you can’t talk to family members, there are other people you can ask for support. An ABA counsellor can discuss the process of stopping your milk supply. Free telephone counselling is available to all callers within Australia from the 24-hour, 7-day-a-week National Breastfeeding Helpline.
We encourage you or your family members to seek support if you need it. Talking with others who have also lost a baby may give you some comfort. You could contact:
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SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Support) (phone 1300 072 637)
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Red Nose (phone 1300 308 307)
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Angel Babies Foundation (phone 1300 283 238)
© Australian Breastfeeding Association February 2023
